KHLOE AND LAMAR – 2/20/12

Back at the house, Khloe is trying to install a sex swing in their bedroom to surprise Lamar. She doesn’t call a handyman because that’d be a pretty awkward conversation. But really, she should have had someone help because let’s be serious… A small screw in the ceiling is never going to hold up her weight and his. This screams catastrophe.

While Khloe is installing ridiculous devices in their house, Lamar heads to the gym with his bestie, Jamie, for a quick workout. Jamie looks like he just came from a Jersey Shore audition and is wearing a ridiculous wannabe bandana on his head. Lamar gives Rob a call, but gets side-clicked. Oh, no he didn’t!

Lamar gets home and decides that he wants to take Khloe to the Kasbah/Cat’s Bar again, but instead, they jump in the sex swing. And as predicted, it breaks. What on earth were they thinking? You’re not small people. I don’t think that thing would even hold Mason. Khloe realizes that she didn’t install it right. Obviously, she didn’t read the weight limit. “I tried to push the limit,” she says. Yes, the weight limits.

Rob bails on lunch with Khloe and Lamar and quite honestly, I don’t give a sh**. This storyline is brutally boring the sh** out of me.

Khloe and Malika unload five bags of gag-worthy toys from the Pleasure Chest to turn Rob’s old room into a Sex Chamber of Love. A torture chamber in my eyes. Body frosting, duct tape, a sex swing, and Khloe and Lamar = Sounds like someone’s worst nightmare.

Khloe gets dressed up like Morticia Addams from The Adams Family to show Lamar the Sex Chamber of Love. Lamar hasn’t seen this many sex toys since college. Um, which college did you go to? Sounds like a blast. Lamar is as enthused about this Sex Chamber of Love as he probably was being traded to the Mavericks. And Khloe is embarrassed because she went through all of this and he turned her down. C’mon, he could’ve at least thrown her in the sex swing for national television!

The next day, Khloe plays matchmaker and tries to meet Rob and Lamar at the gym. For the first hour, her and Rob walk as slow as humanly possible on the treadmill, while waiting for Lamar. Once Lamar shows up, Rob is out. Doesn’t Lamar understand that he came from ALL THE WAY OVER THE HILL to workout with him? And he’s really busy these days! Don’t you know he’s on Dancing with the Stars? They call each other dumb bitches and Rob storms off. SO DRAMATIC! They’re both little bitches. Remind me again why they’re fighting?

Lamar decides to be the big brother and goes to see Rob. Rob’s hurt because he doesn’t think Lamar reached out to him. Lamar compares this to only having sex from the back and Rob wants to have it from the front. I wouldn’t be surprised if this was literal. Such p***ies. And with that homosexual metaphor, they make up.

Back at the Khlam Shack (yes, that’s the mansion’s new name), Khloe confronts Lamar about their sex life while he’s snuggled up in their heinous comforter. Again, she wants to take him to the Cat’s Bar/Kasbah, but Lamar turns her down. He then motorboats her as a peace treaty. Something I always do.