Looking back at my notes from last night’s episode of Khloe and Lamar is reminding me of the notes I took in class in college… Completely useless and a waste of my time. Why, you might ask? Because last night’s episode of Khloe and Lamar was similar to watching paint dry. Watching them anxiously wait to find out where Lamar was being traded, when all of America knew where he was going, was fuc*ing brutal.
Personally, when Lamar was traded to the Mavericks the first time, I didn’t give a $hit. Did anyone? And watching it again? Just as boring.
Maybe I need to write a letter to Seacrest and his production team. It would go something like this:
Dearest Ryan,
I’m not sure if you’re familiar with your audience and the people that watch Khloe and Lamar. Well, let me fill you in. They’re women. Women who do not care about the NBA trades. Women who do not care about the lockouts. Frankly, I don’t understand all that jazz and I have no interest in learning. People that watch Khloe and Lamar care about trashy magazines, Kim Kardashian’s divorce drama and watching Khloe and Lamar act like buffoons.
Please never subject us to an emotional and boring episode like that again.
Thanks,
Jen
Okay, I’ll stop complaining. The episode last night kicked off with Lamar talking about being traded to Miami. Khloe is immediately anxious and wants to know if Lamar gets traded, how quickly they’ll have to move. When Lamar says tomorrow, Khloe worries about how she’ll be able to turn this around so quickly. Don’t the NBA people know about packing? Don’t they know about their multi-million dollar Khlam Shack and all of their belongings?
Khloe, for one, is acting normal, and admits that she needs a plan and schedule for her life. For once, I’m relating. Bitches need schedules.
Lamar thinks that being traded is a longshot. And with that, Khloe is off to New York. She’s heading there for two days and feels like her world is going to be turned upside down at any second! I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m panicked for her! God forbid you need to move. It seems like the hardest thing in the world to go to. (Please sense my sarcasm)
While Khloe is on her flight to New York, looking quite ridiculous in her leopard print headband, shockingly… Lamar is traded! OH MY GOSH! Did anyone see that coming? Talk about incredible suspense and foreshadowing.
When Khloe lands, she can’t get in touch with Lamar and she’s freaking out. Lamar is on the radio, talking to the Love Doctor about his sorrows of being traded to New Orleans. Then, the trade is cancelled and Lamar falls into a dark hole.
[Sidenote: I feel like I’m writing a terrible mystery novel. Seriously, this episode is awful.]
Jamie is surprised by the news and because he’s ready for any camera-time, shows up and bangs on Lamar’s door endlessly to give his “homeboy” some support. He’s seen Lamar isolate himself before and won’t take no for an answer. Am I the only one that’s normal for thinking Lamar is normal by shutting off the world? I’d like to do that right about now.
Since Lamar isn’t answering, Khloe calls his agent, Jeff, to see what’s up. He tells Khloe that she and Lamar need to deal with it and grow a set.
Rob and Malika head to the Khlam Shack next to try and cheer up Lamar. They talk about the “Trade Rumors” again. Personally, I’m more sick of hearing the “Trade Rumors” than I am of hearing the rumors of Jennifer Aniston being pregnant.
Khloe is finally headed back to Los Angeles and is so excited to be back with her hubby! Lamar, who has finally decided to act like a man, is going to go and meet with his agent to see what his options are. He’s come to terms with his fate and is ready to grow a large set, although he probably has one already!
Khloe lands in Los Angeles and calls Lamar. He has good news for her! No more rumors… It’s official… They’re moving to Dallas in the morning! Khloe handles it like a champion. I’d be freaking out and beginning my packing lists.
The next day, Khloe , Malika and an assistant pack up their house and Malika cries like a little bitch. Maybe she doesn’t realize how many new athletes Lamar can introduce her to in Dallas!
Next week better be a little more disgusting, raunchy and fun, because this episode was similar to slow torture.
Until next week…
Written by:
Jen Marcus
Email: jenmarcus6@gmail.com
Website: www.jensreality.com
Twitter: @jenmarcus
Thanks, Jen. As always, you are right – BOOORRRIN episode! Here’s hoping that next week is better.
Hey, you should post your picture!